Two Years Ago

I wasn't really aware of how long it has been since I posted something here until I got on to post something about that night two years ago in Hawthorne, NV. Guess I need to pay more attention when I am actually in port and not on a government computer and able to post.

Anyway, today was a special day not just because it is a day in which all of the Deadwalkers from 1/9 remember our seven brothers lost in a mortar explosion. Today, one of the Corpsmen from that night was awarded the Navy and Marine Corps Medal for his bravery and actions that night. This is the highest award for heroism displayed in peacetime.

On that night, Ian was severely injured by the blast. So much so that he is still recovering from his wounds and has endured multiple surgeries to rebuild his face. Despite his significantly more severe injuries, he repeatedly waved off efforts of others to assist him directing them to his injured Marines. If fact, his airway was blocked and he intubated himself to open the airway, thus saving his own life. I can't even imagine enduring his trauma, much less having the clarity of mind to perform a life saving technique on anyone, including myself.

I didn't get to speak with him that night as he was one of eight Marines and Sailors airlifted to Reno, NV for treatment. However, I was able to speak with him a few days later when he was in between a few surgeries. I walked into his room to check on how he was doing and if there was anything he needed from me or anyone else. Before I could finish saying hello, he had written on a sheet of paper. How are you doing? Corpsman to the core of his being.

The next time I visited two days later, he had an iPad and was rapidly communicating via technology and had been contacted by one of his heroes. Ian, like myself, is from the Triangle and WRAL had done a story on him and alluded to his actions and it came up that he was a huge Duke fan (of course this sat well with his Duke graduate chaplain). Well, Coach K got word of this and personally called Ian's hospital room and spoke with him for a few minutes and promised him the game ball from their upcoming NCAA tournament game and I think also provided him a jersey from that game as well. Small tributes for a outsized man.

I am glad I get to know and work with men and women such as this Devil Doc. He is a Deadwalker to the core.

I got to see photos of him receiving his medal today and am proud of him and his progress towards a full recovery.

One Year Later

This is a time of year when many people are recovering from their celebration of St Patrick last night. However, this time of year is one of reflection for me and many other Marines and Sailors who were with the Walking Dead in Hawthorne, NV.

Personally, I am grateful for not having any night vision goggles that night. If I had some I would have been down range following my Marines and would have been close enough to the blast that at a minimum I would have spent some time in the hospital. The individual with whom I ran the two previous day range events was seriously injured and I was always within arms reach of him.

I learned what secondary trauma looks and feels like. I wasn't on the hill, but I can tell you exactly what it looked like, what it smelled like and what happened in all of its tragic detail. I learned just how surreal it is to know the full story and less than 12 hours later seeing CNN leading the news talking about and making some crazy guesses about what happened.

I miss Josh, Billy, Ripp, Mason, Joshua, David and Rog. We all do. They were good men. Their families raised them right and were so gracious and loving towards us as we all grieved together at many funerals over the span of a week.

But, what I didn't expect was to find so much beauty in the midst of all that carnage. I saw bravery and heroism that we don't speak much of in peacetime and training. There are Marines and Sailors that are here who wouldn't have made it without the quick thinking of those on the scene and due to the amazing leadership and training of the Battalion Surgeon.

I saw communities pour out their hearts for their lost sons and welcome their brothers in arms as if we had grown up right alongside them. I saw people lining a highway for 50 miles to honor someone they never met, people pulling over to the side of the road just to nod to those of us in a long processional. I saw a funeral crowd for a Lance Corporal that surprised and briefly overwhelmed the staff at Arlington.

That night and the events that followed impacted me and made me a better chaplain, a better minister and a better person.

I leave you with the memorial remarks at the two memorial services; one at Bridgeport and one at Camp Lejeune.  

Faith and Leadership

This is the link to a reflection piece I wrote following the tragedy in Hawthorne, NV:

http://www.faithandleadership.com/content/russ-ferguson-beauty-the-midst-chaos-and-carnage

Bridgeport Memorial Service

We held a memorial service out at Bridgeport, CA a few days after the accident that took the lives of seven of our Marines. Due to the lack of computer time, I had to write out my comments and as tends to happen Mr. Murphy showed up and the motivated Marines that immediately returned the podium to its rightful place removed my notes with said podium. So I had to wait for the DVD to transcribe what I said that evening and today with NMCI down for the count I had the opportunity to listen and type at the same time. Below is what I said in the immediate aftermath of the tragedy and sets the stage for what I said last week at the public memorial service. I publish these remarks today as the families of 1/9 were not afforded the opportunity to attend this service and may never get their hands on one of the DVDs.

What now? Other than why, that is probably the most frequent question I hear and the one that is probably the most prominent on the mind of everyone in this hangar. Where do we go from here? What do we do? What do we say to our friends, the families, to each other? This is my take. We get through this and we go on together. But that is easier said than done. So, what now?

First, we remember. We come together tonight and hear stories that remind us of the treasures that we lost. We go to an airport and help our brothers start their long journey home. We laugh and joke about them over a beer. But we must remember that we can never drink Monday night away. It will always be with us so we remember together than to attempt to forget alone. We also need to remember the heroic acts of people sitting with us tonight and people in hospital rooms in Reno. They saved lives.

We heal together. Remembering allows space for our emotions to run. Talking together eases our pain and soothes the wounds. You do not need me or the OSCAR to heal. But if you need to talk with one of us, I am always here for you. As the pain fades, we can acknowledge what happened and then we can see the moments of beauty among the chaos and carnage. I knew this battalion had started to heal at about 1300 on Tuesday. When I saw a crowd gathering and I thought it was the First Sergeants giving a brief about the movement plan to get on the buses. As I walked up I saw it wasn’t a First Sergeant led brief, actually no one was talking. People were walking up and putting stuff on the hillside. As I got closer I saw that the 81’s platoon had started a memorial of rocks they had written on. By the time I got there people were putting their ranks on the memorial. I have told everyone that at that moment, I knew we were going to get through this together. This kind of healing lets us tell the stories of Ripp, Josh, Joshua, Rog, David, Mason and Billy.

And we live. We honor our fallen by living a full and vibrant life. WE let their stories meld into our stories and we carry on their dreams. WE make their families ours and incorporate them into our lives. We don’t let defeat us. We show death that it is not worth being our enemy. Because life is our friend. Death pisses us off, so we fight death by helping others to live it. Live the life those we send off on the angel flight wants us to live. If that guides us the memory of Josh, Joshua, Mason, Rog, David, Billy and Ripp will never be forgotten.

Remembering Seven Fallen Brothers

Yesterday morning we held a memorial service at Camp Lejeune for the seven Marines we lost in a mortar explosion while training in Hawthorne, NV. For all the 1/9 families and friends that were unable to attend, as is my tradition (which I really would like to never have to do), here are my remarks from the service:

Five weeks ago, our lives changed forever. Nothing can change that. Nothing can erase that day. It was a night of chaos and carnage that gave way to a day of beauty and courage. I don’t want to forget that night, I couldn’t even if I wanted to. We owe it to Ripp, Josh, Joshua, Billy, Rog, Mason and David to remember that night. But, we owe it to them to remember not just the tragic but also the good and heroic. And what better way to honor the events of March 18^th and the men of Hawthorne than to reflect on what it means to be a Deadwalker.

Most normal people would recoil at the prospect of joining an organization nicknamed the Walking Dead. That or they would think it’s just a fan club of the TV show where they could hunt zombies. Like many of you, when I received word I was coming to 1/9 I went to the two sources of all information, Google and Wikipedia, to learn the history of my new unit. After reading the history of the unit and discovering the unit called themselves the Walking Dead, I found the name a bit morbid and chalked it and the Grim Reaper logo up to the infantry obsession with skulls. And two years ago, like many outside our unit, I would have thought it odd to call someone a good Deadwalker. But, after March 18^th we know there is honor and deep meaning in wearing the title of Deadwalker.

So what does it mean to lay claim to the name Deadwalker? What sets us apart from other people? Other units? For the guests who aren’t familiar with the unit’s history, our name came from the time those who walked before us spent in Vietnam. After a particularly difficult and brutal battle we had suffered the worst day for the Corps in Vietnam both in sheer numbers and in percentage of casualties. One Viet Cong General reportedly stated that we were never going to win and were essentially walking towards our death and burial and called us the Walking Dead. That nickname was even broadcast over Vietnamese propaganda radio by the infamous Hanoi Hanna encouraging us to go ahead and die. We embraced that name, but not in the way they expected. They had no clue what made up a member of the Walking Dead. Even death itself cannot defeat a Deadwalker.

          

Today we remember seven men who embodied everything it means to be a part of the Walking Dead. As you have heard from many others today, these seven Marines weren’t just great Marines, they were outstanding young men who had much to offer the world. They had already made a positive difference here in the unit as well as their communities back home. These men looked death in the face on the night of March 18^th and just grinned because they knew death wasn’t getting the final say in their lives.

        

Death will always lose when it is up against infantry Marines that are willing to argue with each other that they are the best potential date for Taylor Swift. Death doesn’t stand a chance against the sarcasm of these Marines. Death’s darkness can’t overcome the illuminating smiles and powerful sense of humor of these men. Death can’t bully men who refuse to succumb to peer pressure. Death can’t recover from men who will do anything to save their brothers and put others above their own safety in a time of need. Death’s grip isn’t strong enough to compete against the beauty of a simple memorial of rocks and chevrons created by brothers in arms. The fear of death will always be overwhelmed by lives that inspire thousands of people in communities around this country to come out and pay respects to their fallen sons. 

Men such as these change lives for good and are the shoulders that the Corps stands upon. We take men such as these for granted because we expect great things from them. Men like Ripp, Joshua, Rog, Billy, Josh, David and Mason defeat death because they show us how to live. Their bodies are buried, but their lives will continue on and their impact will multiply as we live lives that honor the way in which they changed our lives for good. 

We call this battalion the Walking Dead and the men Deadwalkers not because they are walking around awaiting death or because of a morbid sense of humor. No, we call ourselves Deadwalkers because we walk through death with no fear. We show death it is nothing in the face of such men. Time and again, death has tried to defeat this battalion. Time and again, death has lost because we live lives inspired by men such as Josh, Billy, Mason, Joshua, Ripp, David and Rog. Lives that inspire others to live well. Lives that death can’t extinguish. So the next time the Battalion Commander ends a formation with his familiar call and response, don’t look at it as cheesy false motivation. Answer his call with pride that you are part of this storied unit and that you are willing to honor the lives of these seven and all those before you who proudly bear the name Deadwalker. 

And here is a photo of the memorial that I alluded to in the remarks:

Arlington

I had the privilege yesterday of performing a burial at Arlington National Cemetery for one of my Marines who was killed in Hawthorne, NV on March 18th. I had hoped to never be called on to perform such a task, but sometimes we don't get exactly what we want. Below are the remarks that I made. I would have posted the memorial service remarks from Bridgeport, but I didn't type those up and lost my notes so I'll post them once I can transcribe from the DVD.

Today we gather on sacred and hallowed ground with heavy hearts to remember the life of a great Marine, but more importantly the life of an outstanding young man. It will take time for us to comprehend that Taylor is gone. But we can find a measure of solace in the fact that Taylor led a good life and embodied the spirit that earned his unit the nickname of the Walking Dead. It may seem odd to call someone a good Deadwalker, but I think after the events of two weeks ago we better understand what it means to claim the title of Deadwalker.

The Vietnamese claimed that our battalion was dead and awaiting burial, so they called us the Walking Dead. Unfortunately they didn’t know what made up a member of the Walking Dead. Even death cannot defeat us or stop us from making a difference in this world. Billy’s life and the way he had a positive effect on all those around him prove that death didn’t get the final say so on the 18^th of March.

Death just can’t defeat an infantryman that is willing to vehemently argue that Taylor Swift would choose him over any other Marine. Death can’t win against someone who begrudgingly accepted being called Billy, a name he couldn’t stand, because his brothers in arms gave him that name. Death has no chance to outlast the legacy of someone who conquered three deployments and three weeks on the mountain at Bridgeport. Death can’t claim victory over someone whose smile and love of life were infectious to all who encountered him. Death has no chance to outlast the legacy of a man like Taylor.

Men such as Taylor change lives for the better and are what the legend and lore of the corps are built upon. Marines like Taylor, lead and shape lives in ways they never realize in life. Only upon their death do we begin to see the full impact of their actions on the lives of their brothers and every person they have known. We take men like Taylor for granted because we expect great things from men such as him and in his absence we see the effect he had on our lives. Men like Taylor defeat death because they show us how to live. Today we bury his body, but we will never bury his life because that will continue to live on and multiply in the lives of those he changed for good.

Remembering a Fallen Deadwalker (Part 2)

Unfortunately, we lost another stellar Marine to a tragic accident a few weeks ago and yesterday we held the memorial service to remember and honor Sgt. Davis' life. I had the pleasure to get to know him fairly well during the workup and deployment as he was the CO's bodyguard and we rode with them frequently as part of training and while in country. For those who are part of the 1/9 family and couldn't make it, I have posted my remarks below.

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         We can’t take away your loss and many of us can’t comprehend what you have been through the last few weeks. What we all know, and what these Marines have expressed today is that Davis was a good man and he is missed. Death always leaves a mark, especially when the life of a good Marine, a good man is tragically cut short. Like many of us in this room, you have asked the question why? Why did a man who was larger than life, literally and figuratively have to die so young? Why is someone who looked indestructible not with us today? And this is a question those of us who loved Davis will ask throughout our lives as we reflect on the past few weeks. I stand here before you to tell you I have no idea why this happened and we won’t understand why in our lifetime. So, please don’t get frustrated if you don’t find a satisfactory answer to why your dad isn’t here anymore. People who mean well will try and come up with elaborate explanations as to why your dad isn’t here to play catch with you and see you off to school in a few years. They don’t know. I don’t know either, so I’m not going to stand here and fill your head with theories and speculation.

Let’s focus on what we know about death. It leaves a mark and we can’t take it back. Eventually the grieving is over, even if the hole in our heart remains, we start to live out the new normal without Davis. Your dad’s life gives us many clues as to how to life a full and wonderful life. A few years ago, a Marine General started using a saying to describe the Marines he led: “No better friend, no worse enemy.” General Mattis was either telling everyone to be like Davis, or Davis decided to embrace that saying as his life’s motto.

We train Marines to be feared, and Davis was a scary man. The first time I met him, I was intimidated. Built like a NFL linebacker, he recently bench pressed 500 pounds! Our previous CO selected him as his personal bodyguard just because of his physical presence. And it worked. People naturally backed away from Davis in his full battle rattle. You didn’t want to get on his bad side, much less have him as an enemy. But, it wasn’t his physical presence that set him apart and made him a Marine’s Marine. There are many people who wear the uniform that can be mean and intimidating and can mold themselves into a physical presence. What set Davis apart was the way he embraced the first part of General Mattis’ saying.

No better friend. In the aftermath of his death, I remember so many people commenting on how Davis was their best friend. It seemed like that was the line to describe him because he was a good friend to so many people. He had a smile that would light up the room and really was a teddy bear, but don’t tell him I called him that. He mentored junior Marines and Sailors in such a way they didn’t know they were being mentored until they thought about it. He took my assistant under his wing and helped shape him into a respected leader and for that I am eternally grateful.

Davis struck the perfect balance between trained warrior and gentle giant. That is his legacy and if we strive to become Davis in that way, we honor his life and spread his legacy for generations to come. Because of his gentle nature, I think its ok for me to quote a song from Broadway in talking about him. In the show Wicked, there is a song called “For Good” that I think gets at the legacy Davis leaves not just among the Walking Dead, but across the Corps. “I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason bringing something we must learn. And we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them. It well may be that we will never meet again in this lifetime so let me say before we part so much of me is made from what I learned from you. You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart. And now, whatever way our stories end I know you have re-written mine by being my friend... Because I knew you... I have been changed for good...”

Davis demonstrates why General Mattis made no better friend the beginning of the saying. That part of being a Marine is the most important because on days like today we need friends to support us and get us back into the fight. Davis changed lives for good. He made people better for a lifetime. Look around, his legacy surrounds you and they stand ready to help you conquer whatever challenges you face. For everyone, if we work towards living into his legacy we won’t have time to ask why he’s gone because we’ll be too busy telling the amazing story of Preston J. Davis.

Rest easy Preston, we have the watch.

Why I Love My Job (Part 1)

The last two Fridays are good examples of what I love about ministering to Marines (and specifically Infantry Marines).

Last Friday (April 27th), I had the pleasure of spending my entire day helping out with a local Special Olympics event. I got paid to go and hang out with 300 of my Marines as well as about 500 Special Olympic athletes. We were there to assist in everything from escorting and coaching athletes to parking and serving lunch. I was amazed by the high turnout and interest from the battalion (over 1/3 went) which shows we found something to keep them coming back to help with. The best part was seeing the smiles on the faces of everyone involved and I'm not really sure who was smiling more, the athletes or the Marines. It was great to see the Marines and sailors enjoying the softer side of their job and the biggest reward for me was the number of them who have asked about doing more of this on a regular basis, something the command wants them to do as well.

Two days ago we had the first battalion wide hike since I've been with 1/9. Normally, just companies go out for a hike. But, we have been selected to perform an endurance test to get some evaluative data for the Marine Corps next month and have been doing longer hikes the last two months to get ready for the 12 mile hike next month. The 8 mile hikes were done on a company basis in March but were nothing compared to Friday. It is impressive to see the entire battalion in one line taking up the road and stopping traffic for 5 minutes at a time each intersection we came across. And the ministry opportunity is amazing as I get to walk back and forth talking with Marines and passing out candy as I go along. It sure makes the miles and time pass by quickly and I can't believe I get to minister in such a unique way.

Injured or Prophetic

A group of individuals spend almost three years getting to know each other and learning their quirks and strengths. They spend more time together than with their families that they only rarely find an opportunity to see as they are always on the road doing their job or learning how to perform better without their leader. They quickly become friends and eventually treat each other as brothers and sisters. The respect for their leader quickly becomes adoration and devotion. They would follow him anywhere, even to the gates of hell. His leadership and dedication to their well-being is unmatched. Outsiders take notice of his leadership and many want to switch units to follow him. Then, one dark day that vaunted leader is brutally murdered and many of the group watch. Some up close, some from a distance. They don’t know what to do. They retreat, talk and plot their next move. They have choices; 1) disband and run, 2) murderous revenge on those who killed their leader, 3) let the event drive them into a downward spiral of self-destructive behavior, 4) grow from his death and put what he taught them into action and complete the mission. What are they to do?

This is a familiar story today. We hear many reports of those serving overseas experiencing similar conditions and choices. A tight knit unit loses a beloved member or even their leader in a traumatic manner. This causes post-traumatic stress. It happens often in combat. Those who witness those events have choices similar to the ones listed above. But, the above story isn’t about combat. It’s actually a condensed version of Christ and his disciples. I don’t tell it here in this context as a way of conversion (though if it inspires you that way talk to a local pastor or myself to further explore those thoughts). I tell it as a case study of how to treat combat veterans as they return from combat.

All too often in the press, we hear of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, the dreaded four letter acronym PTSD. The military has gone to great lengths to remove the last word to encourage people to seek help if they think they need it. By removing the disorder portion we want people to see it as an injury. The military talks now of combat stress injuries and openly discusses post-traumatic stress. All good efforts, but I think we are missing the point. Most people who have witnessed a traumatic event want to just put it behind them and move on. That isn’t possible. Repressing those events just builds up the pressure and makes it worse when it comes to a head. Talking about it with a trusted person is the best treatment (and, yes in some cases medication is needed alongside verbalization).

And because society doesn’t understand what is going on because they either don’t want to hear what survivors of a traumatic event need to say or because they don’t want to understand how to talk with them, society just paints everyone returning from combat with a broad brush of PTSD. I am routinely asked if I am ok, if I saw anything that would make me a ticking time bomb of PTSD. My Marines are accused by their loved ones of having PTSD and those loved ones call me with their diagnoses because if combat changes you it has to be for the worst. Right?

Wrong! There is something called Post-Traumatic Growth that I think we can cultivate in the majority of persons who see combat. It is a relatively new idea (last 20 years or so) coming from research surrounding cancer patients and a study of Israeli terrorist event survivors. I don’t have a lot of research or links as most of the articles are pay to read, but the idea is important for those dealing with combat veterans. The basic idea is that post-traumatic stress occurs following any traumatic event. The symptoms are the same: loss of appetite, trouble sleeping, nightmares, behavioral changes, etc. The difference is how the individuals cope with the symptoms. They can either let the event define their life in a positive (growth) or negative (disorder) manner. The communities surrounding the individual play a huge role in which way they go. Much of what we do in the Marines is to promote growth through talking about it before and after we enter a combat zone. It works in the overwhelming majority of cases. What if we changed our frame of reference when dealing with combat vets from one of expecting disorder to one expecting growth and positives?

So what does this have to do with the disciples? Everything. The disciples could have either run and given up everything they were taught about bringing about a different reality. They didn’t they chose to live into what they learned. They brought meaning to a brutal death. They lived lives that honored the one who taught them. They sought a different way from what society expected from them. They continued what they knew was the correct path despite ridicule from society. Those close to them kept encouraging them to stay true to their training. They believed in that community and what it stood for to risk everything, including their lives, to show others the new reality they saw. Prophets.

My Marines and Sailors want to grow from combat and most do. But, society tries to prevent that. They are all painted with a disorder brush and society expects them to fall apart after seeing combat. But, we don’t expect that from plane crash survivors, cancer survivors and their families, those suffering from paralyzing accidents, etc. Why paint combat vets with that brush? I can’t answer that. But, I can say those who have seen combat have a different view of life. And maybe society doesn’t want to hear what they have to say about how we are living life. They know that war sucks. They know that blind consumerism isn’t a sustainable reality. They know that arguing about stupid stuff doesn’t solve problems. Those who serve will let you know you are focusing on the wrong stuff. And they are gruff about it. It’s the way they are. They have become prophetic without knowing it. It’s hard to hear. We can either listen to their stories or write them off as mentally ill like we have done for millennia.

When society fails to listen to their stories and the reality they have seen, we force them down the self-destructive road. They get fed up with society telling them what to believe and how to interpret combat. Even if you don’t agree with what they did, give them space to talk about how they see life differently. They have a profound life experience that can show us a better reality because they know what negative effects violence can lead to. Many are thinking of ways to make the world better and the trivial pursuits of a mundane life are no longer enough. They want to make a profound impact on life reflective of the profound experience of combat. In this time where Christians celebrate renewed life and the impossible becoming possible, let us listen to some modern day prophets for glimpses of a new and profound reality.

Let this start a conversation. Comment and share as you see fit.

A Reflection of Society

So what exactly are we to make of the events of last weekend? I thought about posting my thoughts earlier to the small number of you who read these entries, but I wanted to wait and not jump to conclusions. It still seems a bit early to try and figure out what happened to cause a 38 year-old career soldier to commit such a horrible act. If I were to listen solely to the TV, I’d come away with the impression that he was suffering from acute PTSD due to TBI (a concussion is classified TBI and we don’t claim PTSD for every football player who takes a violent hit resulting in a concussion) and that is what made him snap and murder civilians. Reading articles in newspapers shows a bit more complicated and nuanced picture of what happened. Regardless, we won’t know the truth until a trial and even then we will ponder the unanswered questions that aren’t discussed. So, I’m not looking to figure out what happened in this solitary case. I think there is a larger issue at play that affects not only this particular Staff Sergeant, nor the military in general. There is a larger issue that affects our entire culture and it is one I don’t foresee any media from investigating: a lack of training in our lives of how to make ethical decisions.

Back in the submarine days, anytime some unexpected event occurred we got all the key players around and conducted a critique. I have experienced my fair share of critiques as both the subject of the gathering as well as a neutral observer there to write down the facts and find the root causes. The goal is to find the points that led to the failure and then discuss ways we could prevent it from happening again. Sometimes, there are things you can’t foretell and you are just left holding the bag and have to figure out the recovery. But many times there are distinct and multiple errors that led to the particular gathering with the Commanding Officer and outside agencies offering assistance and possibly punishment. Undoubtedly, there is an investigation in Afghanistan doing similar things right now asking many questions that relate to the specific events leading to a horrific act early one morning. And that is necessary and needed for closure with his unit.

But, I think there is a larger root cause at play here, and PTSD is just a symptom not a cause. I can probably safely assume that everyone who has deployed to Afghanistan and Iraq has suffered some form of combat stress. The overwhelming majority come back, decompress and that is it. A very small number come back and have trouble reintegrating with their families and society in general. We work hard to identify them and get them the treatment they need. Most of the time, it involves talking about what they went through and assuring them that it’s normal to think things are a bit bizarre in the US compared to the life they lived for 7-13 months in country. Some of those who can’t readjust just can’t get back in the swing of things easily so we need to get them specialized treatment because they can’t function as our society expects. If this Staff Sergeant couldn’t function and make decisions he most likely would never have deployed in the first place. So while the PTSD argument is compelling and plays well with the press, I think it is a red herring (there is a chance he saw something and just snapped, but I don’t get that kind of vibe from what I have been reading).

He made terrible decisions with horrific results. I would venture the amount of time he spent learning about ethical decision-making was miniscule at best. Most of the Marines I encounter don’t come from any kind of background that teaches ethics at all. And no, it doesn’t require a religious background to study ethics (though many people will try and convince you of that, probably a reason why we don’t teach ethics in public schools). Many come to the military to get a sense of order in a chaotic life where ethics is the last thing in their minds. We send them to boot camp and some specialized schooling where ethics is presented as this ethereal concept of black and white decisions based on the law of armed conflict and decisions of right and wrong. Then we take these kids who have no real idea of their ethical framework and what drives their decisions and put them in combat, a place where ethics can rapidly become murky for the best trained and informed individuals. You see and hear about things that rattle your worldview and how you order your life. If that is shaky to start, things can rapidly deteriorate.

Ethics isn’t just right and wrong choices (in the military we have to follow the Geneva Conventions, etc.) it’s about our decision-making ability. The way I reason through a murky situation says a lot about the ethical framework under which I operate and my framework is probably different than yours. Knowing how we think and reason is important not only for me, but also for my commander. If I know how I will approach and ethical issue and talk about it with those in my immediate chain of command through open discussion of case studies they know in which situations I may struggle ethically. Some ethical frameworks (relativism) don’t work in a military environment and if an individual won’t refocus their framework then maybe we need to send them on their way.

But, we don’t want to “force” a belief system on people if they work for the government. Our society is libertarian by nature (i.e. I’ll do what I want as long as it doesn’t infringe on another’s rights) and we feel that moral and ethical standards may cross that line. I disagree. In the military (and I would argue for society as a whole), we need moral and ethical boundaries to function properly. When recruits arrive without understanding what comprises ethics and how to reason through decisions fully we are starting them out at a disadvantage. So what can we do?

This is only one approach and probably isn’t anywhere near the right one. In our battalion we talked with every Non-Commissioned Officer and higher in rank about ethical decisions and how to talk about ethics with their Marines and sailors. We described many types of ethical frameworks and let them discover which one they operated under. We talked about the strengths and weaknesses of each. We also talked about how the Geneva Conventions came into being as well as the Law of Armed Conflict and international expectations. We also discussed why the US follows a certain standard of behavior in combat with groups who seem to not follow the rules of war. We let them disagree. We let them vent about it before we got into country. We agreed that it isn’t “fair” but it is what they signed up for and if they had a serious problem with it to come see me. We then showed some movie clips and talked about the ethical ramifications of each as a guide of how to discuss ethics with their Marines. We talked about how they have multiple opportunities each week to bring ethical discussions into their work. Finally, we gave each NCO access to dozens of case studies if they ever needed material to get a discussion started. Most importantly we didn’t make it a forced program and just told them we expected this from small unit leaders and why it would help them in the long run. From every indication, it worked in combat and we’ll use it again before the next deployment and I’ll take the program with me for every command I serve as well as any churches I serve upon my retirement.

I could be wrong on this whole thing, but I just think the media is looking for a quick surface answer because they are scared and finding out their complicity in what happened last weekend. If we are truly honest with ourselves we will see our faces in the mirror as we realize that ethics is in everything we do and we have placed learning about such an important thing in the background or just expect the military to teach a life-long skill in a few weeks of boot camp. It takes a great deal of time and effort to prepare yourself for the short moments where you have to make rapid ethical decisions (and yes, it does happen in the civilian world as well especially in school where cheating is on the rise). And if you haven’t explored where you stand you will rapidly learn your ethical foundation is made out of sand in the face of a tsunami.

If you have other ideas to teach ethics, drop me a line and let me know your ideas. As always if you have comments, feel free to discuss here on this page.

Uncomfortable with Vets

I know it has been a long time since the last post, but I took some much needed time off work after the deployment and am now getting back into the swing of things. Work has returned with a vengeance, but is starting to settle down a bit and I hope to post at least every other week.

One thing I was asked to do at the end of last month was to speak to my Presbytery (they are the governing body of me as a minister) about what I do as a chaplain, how a chaplain ministers in combat and how churches can help out chaplains. I think this blog has covered the first two items over the last few months, mostly in order to provide a glimpse of life in Afghanistan to the families of 1/9, but I haven't really talked about the last item. Reflecting on the topic before the talk, I realized that chaplains really need to take the lead in speaking out on how to care for our service members who are deployed, combat or not. We have a unique inside angle on the spiritual needs of service members and sometimes we allow ourselves to stay fairly isolated from the larger faith community to which we belong. I realized that at times I also fall into this category and have forced myself to keep that from happening.

There is a distinct divide between those who serve and those who don't. I don't hold myself in greater esteem because I serve a unique congregation, but I think faith communities would do a better job supporting chaplains and their "flock" if they knew what we did and if we actually told them what support we needed. Sure, I could just rely on the military programs for helping my Marines and sailors, but I honestly believe that faith communities (regardless of their theology or beliefs) need to take a larger role in caring for those who have served.

Most congregations I have attended during my years on active duty talk about serving the military. But, they do so through care packages and prayer. I'm not discounting the need for these things. Personally, I am convinced the prayers of many people across the country played a role in my entire battalion making it home alive and with all their limbs. We had many close calls that I could never explain why those guys are still here with me today except through some divine plan I don't understand and probably never will. And care packages are vital for morale as they serve as tangible evidence they are not forgotten. Opening those boxes brings many smiles thousands of miles away. I would just ask churches to contact the receiving unit before sending something. When you send without knowing the needs, some stuff may end up in the burn pit.

In reflecting on the idea of what churches can do for those who serve in the military (and this would probably hold true for other groups who avoid church) is to allow themselves to feel uncomfortable. Uncomfortable sitting beside someone who may have killed in combat. Combat those in the congregation send into combat by the way. A congregation who is willing to sit with and come alongside that individual as they work out what they saw and did in combat. A congregation willing to enter into the murky and uncomfortable world of ethics in combat, what some have called "ethical warriors" or "noble warriors." A congregation that will listen in love and not judge them because they are in the military. Some may come seeking repentance for what they have seen and done. Some may say they have done nothing wrong. Both of them should be welcomed with open arms into our congregations. We say no sin is too large for God, we need to live that out. These conversations are messy, painful, uncomfortable, unruly. But they are beautiful, healing, at times joyful. I know as I have them on a regular basis and many of those conversations don't deal with combat related issues. I encounter more service members damaged from other aspects of society than their deployment to Afghanistan. Even an atheist in my battalion recognizes the need for somewhere for his young Marines to have these conversations.

Without a healthy and supportive environment to work through this discomfort, my Marines and sailors will seek unhealthy ways to navigate the issues. Chaplains are only in their lives for a short amount of time. I have only been in 1/9 for 16 months and almost half of them will be in other units by April. Churches, synagogues, mosques, etc can offer a stable long-term presence in the lives of my service members. Especially if a denomination embraces this call and no matter where they are stationed they can turn to a specific faith group for a loving community to be there if they are needed. If you are reading this and a member of a faith community I challenge you to go beyond prayer and care packages and invite your vets to discuss what needs they have.

I am more than willing to discuss this with anyone who wants to explore ways to provide such a community, regardless of your faith preference. Just drop me a line or discuss freely in the comments.

What I Will Miss About Afghanistan

I originally planned to sit down and provide the list of things that made Afghanistan a place to visit and what won't ever leave my memory soon after the last post. However, work got busy and I haven't forced myself to sit down and provide the 2nd half of the first post. So here goes:

1) The People: The majority of Afghans I met are amazing people doing their best to survive and really just want people to leave them alone. They are resilient and will thrive if given the chance. It is my prayer that the sliver of freedom they glimpse through our work takes hold and they run with it and design a way of life that works for them while allowing their natural gifts to flourish. I have many memories of conversations over tea with smiles as well as meeting the children when out and about.

2) Children: Regardless of where you go, kids will always be kids. They are the same everywhere. It was so much easier to communicate with them despite the language differences because you just knew what they wanted. They were rarely shy about coming up and interacting with us and their presence really helped most of the guys realize why they were sent 7000 miles from home.

3) The Food: I ate some of the most amazing food I have tasted overseas. While the meals were always pretty much the same of chicken, rice, bread and fruit it was always sumptuous. The spice they use for the chicken is wonderful and the bread is highly sought after with many Marines buying that whenever they had the chance. And the fruit convinced me that local, organic produce is the way to live. The produce came from close by and was grown with natural fertilizer with a taste much better than what I usually obtain in a store.

4) The Marines: Serving as a chaplain in a combat zone is a special honor and I am glad to have been given that responsibility. It was a once in a lifetime chance to really be with the infantry. I can't fully describe the respect and love I have for my Marines and sailors and they will always hold a special place in my heart. They endured so much for each other and for people they didn't really know and I hope the experience changed them in a positive way as much as myself.

There are many other things I will miss, but I don't want to ramble on and on. Plus, I have to work on a presentation for my Presbytery for next weekend. I get to speak to church leaders about what chaplains do and how they can assist us as we minister to service members.

What I Won't Miss About Afghanistan

So as I can now do some reflection on the last 7 months, I can say there are definitely things I won't miss about being in Afghanistan (in no particular order):

1) Gravel: The military puts this on almost every square inch of our positions and it makes walking difficult. I am so glad to walk on solid ground that doesn't move with each step I make. I never realized how much I appreciated walking on grass or concrete. This also makes running difficult and I had to reduce the frequency of my running outside due to the gravel and how it was tearing up my feet. It felt so good to run on the road the other day.

2) Military Plane Travel: It just sucks. Waiting at least 6 hours in a terminal for a crowded flight either on a C-17 or a run down charter plane. The wait is painful and for my flights in and out of the US on old charter planes where we had less room than a commercial airline made the wait even more depressing. Some guys get to fly back on commercial name brand carriers, but I didn't have that luxury this time. I think it will be a long time before I complain about commercial air travel as I now know just how bad a flight can get.

3) Dust: Not sand but dust as fine as baby powder. It is called "moon dust" by the military because of its consistency. A slight wind and it gets everywhere and then all travel shuts down. You just can't get and stay clean out there. I have a new idea of what dirty really is and missing a shower for a while doesn't bother me anymore.

4) The Military Industrial Complex: While I didn't reside on one of the large bases, it was completely disgusting to see what all our tax money pays for in country. Millions upon millions of dollars for gravel that isn't really necessary. Coffee shops at the large bases. In a combat zone. Thousands of civilians from odd countries to maintain all the larger positions and do things such as cleaning that the Marines and sailors can do on their own just like at the smaller positions. Chow halls that aren't necessary. We blow so much money on things that aren't necessary in combat. In a recession this is just unacceptable, especially when we could use that money for projects in the country. It takes so much pain and frustration to approve a road project, unless you want to pave some road at a large base. And I never went to the really large places such as Bagram, Leatherneck or Kabul. I can't imagine how my head would have spun there.

Just a few things I won't miss about Afghanistan. I'll post on what I miss and I guess that list might be a bit larger as it was a great experience overall.

Goodbye Geronimo

So I am writing this from Camp Dwyer. I left FOB Geronimo late last night/early this morning when the helicopter came in from the darkness to take us away from our home for the last seven months. It was a bittersweet moment as I have really enjoyed my time deployed with an amazing group of Marines and sailors. I know that this will probably be the one and only time I get to deploy in combat with an infantry battalion and will truly miss the experience. It is one that has shaped me and my ministry for the rest of my life. I could fill many posts and pages reflecting on the deployment and the last 14 months with the Marines and sailors of 1/9.

Now I get to stay here at Camp Dwyer and give them their last required brief before leaving Afghanistan. It is nice to spend the last few minutes with them at the air terminal here as they are full of smiles at the prospect of hitching a ride to Manas (0n what they call a "Freedom Bird") and then onto the US when their next plane shows up. Today was the overwhelming majority of H&S company who are now at Manas. I look forward to seeing the others as they flow into and out of Dwyer and am personally starting to realize this is all ending in the rapid future (though I don't think it will fully hit me until I am in the line on the tarmac for the flight out of here).

Hopefully I will post some more before I leave as I have a lot of dead time right now, which is a new experience. By the time I finally get back to NC I will have been in the field for a total of right around 300 days this calendar year. I hope I find some hobbies to fill a the time I have coming up. I know there is some travel, including a trip to Whistler, in my future but it will seem odd to have 30+ days of a light work load.

For the 1/9 families, your Marines and sailors have done an amazing job out here and you have every right to beam with pride for their work. This deployment has affected each of them (in a positive way I hope) and I think they will be better for the experience. I do know they are eagerly looking forward to getting home and getting some much deserved rest.

Happy Birthday USMC

As I write this, the birthday has passed but it is still November 10th back home. I have to say that it was an honor to spend a birthday with the USMC in Afghanistan (You can find it on Youtube). No other service puts so much into celebrating who and what they are. The video message produced by the Marine Corps was motivational and, while each of the three cake cutting ceremonies varied slightly each was special and full of motivation and meaning. Most people don't really care about their individual birthdays. I had one out here and let it pass unnoticed. Even most of the sister services don't really mark the day as special when they reach another year in the books. Marines show why Marines are special each day out here, but on November 10th every year regardless of where they are, they remember why they are America's elite service and force in readiness for the President.

I had a great time getting out to see most of the battalion today to wish them a happy birthday and was impressed with the ceremonies. For the families of 1/9 there is a new album on the Facebook page full of photos from today. And for all the veterans out there, Thank You for the proud legacy you have left for those of us who follow you and stand on your shoulders.

Continuing to Help Afghanistan

I know many of you who occasionally stop by here to read have also been sending care packages to the guys of 1/9 or school supplies out for the Afghan children. And the response has been nothing short of amazing. As we approach our mail cutoff date on Tuesday (01 November), I ask that you consider continuing to send out school supplies. Just to a different address.

Out here in Afghanistan, the Marines have sent out small teams of females to base out of selected positions and go on patrols with the infantry Marines. These groups of women are called Female Engagement Teams or FET for short. We have two of these teams in our expansive area and there are many more throughout the larger area in which we work. These women have a natural ability for women and children to come up and talk with them. Women won't talk with the male Marines and the kids just naturally gravitate to the female Marines. One thing that allows is for them to carry school supplies and small stuffed animals with them on patrol and pass them out. We have given some supplies to the FET when we travel to help them in their mission.

The platoon commander for all of the larger area in which we work, contacted me the other day and asked if I could arrange for some school supplies, stuffed animals, etc to be sent to her as we are heading out soon. This is a great way to continue to help the Afghans as 1/9 begins to head back to the States and it will help the Marines that come after us and those with whom we have worked beside the last few months.

If you have any desire to continue to help the FET do their work, please send out some school supplies to the address below. I would ask that you only send pencils, colored pencils, crayons, erasers, rulers, notebooks, notebook paper, flash cards, coloring books, small stuffed animals, toys, etc. Please DO NOT send things such as markers, mechanical pencils, pens, glue sticks or bottles of glue. Those things have a chance of being turned into something harmful to the Marines out here. If you send something to Lt Hammond, include an email address or some way for her to contact you and she should be able to let you know what she is in more need of after sending a first package.

1st Lt Hammond
RCT-5 HQ Co, S-3 FET
Unit 40305
FPO AP 96427-0305

These women do great work out here and really help out the infantry Marines and it would be wonderful for all of you who have sent these supplies to 1/9 to continue to support another worthy group of Marines in the work they do.

Notes From Afghanistan Part 7

It rained yesterday. Not a drizzle type of rain but a full on thunderstorm that continued for most of the morning and has returned again today. We had been told the rainy season begins in December, so the rain was a bit of a surprise, though a pleasant one. One Marine commented on how the rain made everything smell and feel clean around here. I kind of have to agree with him. It smelled and felt like a walk through some woods back home in the springtime. It has left a lot of mud to deal with over the next few days as well as showed us some leaks in the chapel and other buildings and tents. But, it was different and unexpected and it showed us we are close to leaving as the rainy season should signify our exit from Afghanistan.

It was also a means to break the monotony around here. At times it feels like groundhog day. We fall into the same routine day after day and the rain forced us to stay inside a bit more or change our routines in other ways for the day which was a refreshing way to snap us out of our current ruts. Something we could all benefit and learn from as we head back and will get into different ruts and routines back home.

The guys continue to do well out here and are looking forward to going home. That is the #1 topic of conversation during my visits with them. They are dreaming about their first meal upon return to the states and what they plan to do while on post-deployment leave (most have a plan to do nothing for a few days or weeks). I just wonder what they will remember about this deployment.

Final Care Package Request List

First off thanks for all the support for the Marines and sailors of 1/9. We are quickly approaching the end of our time out here which means a mail cutoff date is looming. I am assuming that date will be on 01 November which means this is the last time I will post anything asking for care packages. We are sitting good on items right now but want to still get some in to set up the next unit once they arrive for about a month's worth of stuff so they are good until their mail begins to arrive. Again thanks for all you have done for 1/9 over the last 6 months. The stuff gets used quickly and is greatly appreciated.

Care Package Needs October 2011
The ones in bold are especially needed right now
Afghan Children: We received a huge amount of supplies and are doing a good job trying to get them out. We'll take any more that you send, but I think they will be good for a few months.
Marines:
Socks (Brown, Green, Black, White)
Foot Powder
Razors (We are especially low on these)
Bars of Soap
Single toothbrushes
Shampoo
Deodorant (Now that it won't completely melt during shipment)
Body Wash
Candy (Jolly Ranchers, Starburst, Werther’s, Twizzlers, BlowPops) This gets to the kids as well
Beef Jerky
Drink Mix (Single packets of Propel, Propel Zero, Crystal Light, Gatorade, Kool Aid, Coffee, Tea, etc)
Baby Wipes
Gum
Chex Mix, Trail Mix
Granola Bars
Sunscreen
Hand Lotion
Food spices, flavorings and condiments
Tuna Packages

Notes From Afghanistan Part 6

Again, it has taken a bit of time to actually sit down and update this thing with what is going on out here. If they would only let me access this from a government computer I might actually get to do it more often. But that would take an excuse away from why I am slow at updating. Being stuck at an outlying position waiting for a flight or ride back has given me a decent amount of time so I figured I'd get on an MWR computer and post a quick update.

Since the last post Ramadan has ended and we saw September 11th come and go. Eid out here was interesting with people traveling all over the place and celebratory gunfire from the locals each of the three nights. It was an eye-opening experience to be in a Muslim country for both Ramadan and Eid. And apparently there is another Eid in November which is affectionately known as "Big Eid" from our linguists. I can't imagine how much of a party this one day will be.

RP and I continue to travel around seeing the guys and they are all doing well. We recently attended the "soft opening" of a school out here. I say soft because it seems that we always do some big event twice. The first time a few people show up almost to make sure we really planned on doing what we said when we said. That results in a true event a few days later after the local elder goes out and tells everyone that we mean what we say and will be there. At first I thought it was an issue of mistrust, but I actually think it is ingrained into the culture as often as it happens and as widespread it is across villages and districts out here.

We had another run at the FOB on September 11th in conjunction with the Chicago 1/2 Marathon and 5K. This time 123 people showed up to run a 5K (actually 3.4 miles) that morning and it was enjoyed by all. I am amazed that running in the morning would be such a hit out here and continues to be the thing I arrange that actually draws people out to participate. I think it has something to do with the fact that we get a chance to feel like we are back home for the few minutes that we are running with numbers attached to our chests. Hopefully we can get one more done before we head back home.

Both RP and I are approaching a milestone in that we have our Fleet Marine Force boards scheduled for this week (if we ever get back to the FOB). This is a qualification program to demonstrate we have grasped the many aspects of the USMC mission and its history. It takes quite a while and is a requirement for RP while stationed with a FMF unit and I wanted to get it done to do some in depth learning about what my Marines do, etc. All we need is to get back and make our scheduled boards. A few prayers that we can get back would be appreciated.

Notes From Afghanistan Part 5

I know it has been a while since describing what is going on out here, but we have been busy and the powers that be blocked all the blogger sites on government computers so I had to find time to get to the MWR tent to post. I don't know what made them change their minds, but such is life out here.

Since the last update, RP and I have traveled extensively to the companies to see the guys. We have also hosted a few different chaplains in the area showing them around to show off the Marines and sailors and all the good work they are doing out here. One of the visitors was a Navy chaplain who happens to be Muslim. He was out here for Ramadan. While he was here we got to attend an Iftar meal where they break the fast in the evening. It was great watching a friend live out his faith in a country predominately of his faith. He led the Iftar meal and the prayers that evening. He also was provided the opportunity to talk with the local mullahs and elders about Islam and how he lives out his faith in a pluralistic environment. The local leaders were rapt with attention at what he said and seemed to appreciate him making the visit to Nawa. It was also great for me to catch up with an old friend and see Ramadan from his perspective. It should end in the next few days so I am excited about seeing the national party that will go for about a week out here.

With school coming up, we have been busy getting school supplies ready. RP and I just had a truckload of supplies picked up by the Afghan Army to give out during Eid. They were overwhelmed and surprised with the support from people back in the States to give so generously to the children out here. And, after we gave them all those supplies we got about 15 more boxes worth yesterday. I spent this morning getting those ready for distribution. We'll pass those out next month as we get out in the villages. We also received some soccer balls and stuffed animals for the kids as well.

Well, that is it for now. I have only a few minutes left here at the computer so I am looking forward to another busy month out here with more traveling and being out there with my guys. I can't believe it has already been 3 1/2 months since we left which means we are approaching our half way point. It seems like only yesterday that we got out here. I guess time really does fly when you are having fun. I am actually starting to realize how much I will miss being out here as well as my time deployed with an infantry battalion. I need to figure out how to swing another deployment before they transfer me in 2013.